Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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