She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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