I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
