I CAN MOONWALK!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
