I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
