I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
