Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
