i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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