direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
