She's JV to your varsity
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
