Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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