Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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