oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
