If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize