I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
