I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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