i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
