Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
