Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
