her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
