This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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