Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
