I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
