shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
