allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
