I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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