i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
