how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
