I don't usually arrange sex via text message
are you so shy because you have an std?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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