Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
