so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
