And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
