i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
