You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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