He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
