Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dear god my vagina.
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