remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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