Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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