Cold hands, warm shart.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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