screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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