I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
