life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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