why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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