hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
