You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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