i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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