I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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