If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
