At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
