five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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