I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize