Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
