I looked at my own cervix.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
