I just saw a hot homeless man
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
