Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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