how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
