ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
