he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
