he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
