Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
