I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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