White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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