You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize