wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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