woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
