i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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