im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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