We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
