i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
