got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
