My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
