I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
