we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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