dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
