Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
