none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
