really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
