i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
