New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
