I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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