dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
