There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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