I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
