and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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