Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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