You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
