If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
