No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize