My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
