i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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