I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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