i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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