I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
