i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
