Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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