we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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