Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
