i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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