Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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