I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
