If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
