okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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