I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
