My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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