did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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