Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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